Last week, we had the joy of joining therapist and host Terah Harrison- LPC on the Peri Posse podcast to talk about something so many women whisper about but rarely get real support for: self-care during perimenopause and menopause.
If you’re in this phase—or suspect you might be—you already know: this transition is not a gentle one. It can feel like your hormones go rogue, your nervous system hits the panic button, and your once-familiar body suddenly feels like someone swapped it out in the middle of the night.
On the episode, the three of us dove deep into why traditional “self-care” is failing women in midlife and what real nourishment looks like.
Here are some of the biggest themes that emerged:
Most of us are stuck in the chronic depletion cycle.
For years, many women have been running on fumes. Then we try to “self-care” our way out of burnout with a bubble bath, a walk, a glass of wine, a night off. Then we go right back to running ourselves into the ground.
In perimenopause, this cycle becomes impossible to outrun. Your body simply won’t let you keep abandoning yourself anymore. I shared how I wrote in my journal, “My body feels like a stranger.” That level of disconnection is common, and healing it requires more than occasional treats—it requires re-inhabiting your body. It requires moment by moment micro changes rather than reacting to depletion. It requires change.
The biggest barrier to self-care isn’t time. It’s permission.
Over and over, I see this in clients—and lived it myself. Many women don’t believe they’re allowed to put themselves first. We’ve been trained to be selfless, accommodating, the last one in line, “good girls.” And for decades, that self-sacrifice was rewarded. So, when you try to rest or slow down…your nervous system often rebels. It feels “wrong,” “selfish,” or “unnecessary.” But the truth is: rest isn’t indulgent—it’s survival.
Peri/menopause grief is real.
No one prepares us for the emotional magnitude of this transition. There’s grief over the body you used to know, the identity you had before, the energy and ease you once felt, the cultural invisibility that creeps in, the fantasy that you can keep pushing “like normal.” We referred to this phase as Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Your body shifts. Your moods shift. Your needs shift. It’s destabilizing—and it’s deeply human. We can’t bypass this grief. But we also shouldn’t be doing it alone.
Community with other women is medicine.
One of the most important things we talked about was the necessity of women being in community with women, especially during midlife. Not online-only. Not quick likes and comments. But real, embodied, face-to-face connection.
Women need to sit together. Share stories. Swap symptoms without shame. Normalize the whole messy process.
We laughed talking about our husbands trying to understand “monster-pause”—bless them—but women need women for this work.
Micro self-care is the gateway to real self-care.
Self-care isn’t always luxurious or pretty. Sometimes it’s deeply inconvenient. I shared how she adjusted her schedule to include a 30-minute break every two hours—even though it meant seeing fewer clients. My body demanded it.
This is the essence of midlife self-care:
✔ adjusting your workday
✔ taking small, intentional pauses
✔ saying “I need a nap” even when your brain argues
✔ asking “What do I actually want right now?”
✔ letting boundaries evolve with your body
✔ figuring out what do I really want
Self-care in this phase is less about soothing and more about structure, honesty, ritual, and embodiment.
The ultimate self-care: immersive, therapeutic retreats.
At the end of the conversation, Terah said something we deeply agree with: “The ultimate form of self-care is retreat.” Why? Because women in midlife don’t just need a break—they need nervous system regulation, spaciousness, ritual, meaning, and community.
That’s exactly why our Embodied Experiences retreats exist. They were born from this unmet need for depth we simply cannot access in a 50-minute therapy session.
Retreats give women time to reconnect with their bodies, space to rest without being needed, movement, creativity, and ritual, trauma-informed support, real community, and permission to put themselves first.
They’re not a luxury. They’re a reclamation.
If you’re in this phase and thinking:
“I don’t even know what I need.” “Self-care feels selfish.” “I don’t recognize myself anymore.”
You’re not alone.
You’re not broken.
You’re not failing.
You’re becoming.
And you deserve support, softness, and a community to walk alongside you.
If this resonates, I’d love for you to listen to the full episode—or join us at an Embodied Experiences retreat or local meetup. Your body is not your enemy. She’s asking for your attention.
And she’s worth listening to.